What to do when you’re scared

Ignoring how you feel is a recipe for unhappiness. Mindfulness gives you a way to not be overwhelmed by your feelings and to act with integrity.

Feel the fear.

And do it anyway.

So the slogan goes.

God knows where this comes from, it doesn’t really matter.

You get the point.

Have courage. And get on with things.

There’s some wisdom in this.

After all, our feelings aren’t always helpful guides for how to act.

And how we behave shapes our lives.

So doing things that matter to us, despite how we feel about them, can be good for us.

There’s a pitfall here though.

As someone who has experienced his fair share of fear, one of the toxic threads I’ve found running alongside fear is the sense that my feelings are sabotaging my life.

It’s as if I can’t trust my own heart.

And so on top of the fear, I feel alienated from myself.

The problem with “Feel the fear and do it anyway” is that it’s inviting you to ignore how you feel. As if the only way to not be controlled by fear is to block it out.

Whilst you might get things done, this cuts you off from yourself. And in the long run, this is a recipe for unhappiness.

So what’s the alternative?

Be whole.

Feel the fear.

I mean really feel it.

Embrace it.

Hold it.

Give it space.

Find your feet and let the fear breathe.

Doing this takes practice. We need to learn how to do it without getting overwhelmed.

But as you get the hang of this you discover that fear is nothing to be afraid of. You are more than fear.

Fear (and any feeling for that matter) can be part of what you are experiencing without overwhelming you.

It’s information.

Some fear may be historical, in which case feeling it like this allows healing to take place.

And some fear is evoked from present circumstances, in which case it’s a signal that care is needed.

So embrace fear.

Be whole.

And then take action from that wholeness.

Feeling the fear as part of your larger sense of things.

Which also includes spaciousness, kindness and wisdom.

And this larger sense of things helps you to make better decisions and do things with more care.

Which means you tend to get better results.

So feel the fear. Really feel it. Care for it.

And do what’s needed.