Integrating the uncomfortable stuff
Part of mindfulness involves steadying ourselves and seeing clearly what is happening. Doing this helps us not get so hijacked by what’s happening.
If something is outside of us we can then find a way to move past it. But with challenges that are inside us, like difficult thoughts and feelings, there is no way around them. Instead of sidestepping them, we can find a way of opening up to what is happening so that we are no longer running away or being pushed or pulled around.
Opening up to what is happening might sound a bit bonkers. After all don’t you want to get rid of things that are uncomfortable and painful?
The conundrum we face is that much of what we find uncomfortable and painful is the fabric of being alive. We can’t get rid of it. And if we try to cover it over with food or drink or sex or shopping, the after-effects of that are even more painful. And in the long term, it hurts us to run away from ourselves.
The other option we have is to integrate what is happening into our sense of who and what we are. In doing this we find a way of including what we have pushed away into our sense of ourselves. We can do this bit by bit, in a way that is safe and manageable.
Although this takes courage it is not a heroic effort. It takes time and patience and a healthy sense of respect for the process of healing. And this is a process of healing - of becoming whole by integrating parts of ourselves that we have ignored and rejected.
From this, you begin to feel at ease with yourself. You are also able to engage with the world around you in a way that is flexible and creative. That is satisfying and rewarding.
In practical terms, the way you do this is to find something uncomfortable you feel in your body and explore it with your awareness.
Where do you feel it?
What shape is it?
Is there any movement?
As you do this it helps to give whatever you are feeling a little extra space so you are not putting pressure on it. You may be sensing the edges of what you are feeling. If in doubt back off a little bit more.
You can also imagine you are breathing around what you are feeling to encourage a sense of spaciousness. Take care though not to try and breathe the discomfort away. Although that would be an understandable wish, it could also be another way of rejecting what you are feeling.
Take your time. There’s no rush. Remember your safety valve. You’ll be ok. And if your sense is that you’re not ok, get some help. You don’t have to do this alone.