Is your meditation working?

I asked a group of people this the other day.

The question threw them a little.

I mean, aren’t we meant to accept everything when we meditate?

Isn’t there something about not striving for a particular outcome?

Yes and no.

Yes, we can learn to accept what’s happening because, well, it is happening.

And we can nudge things in directions that serve us well.

Yes, we can refrain from striving for a particular outcome in a fixed timeframe (“I’m going to get calm in the next 5 minutes, no matter what”).

And we can hold long-term goals. Like cultivating clarity, calm or compassion. Over weeks and months and years.

The trick is to do the nudging while really accepting what is happening.

And to hold the goals whilst also meeting whatever is actually happening at this moment.

This is easier said than done. And so sometimes people emphasise the accepting and not striving bits so you don’t get caught up in a struggle with trying to make things a certain way.

The trouble with this is that we may stop refining and honing what we are doing in meditation.

I often meet people who have got just a little way with meditation and found a little bit of benefit but that’s where it stops. One of the issues is that they have internalised the message of “don’t have any goals”.

And so they can sit quietly and bring a little acceptance to what’s happening but that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, this is still good but it lacks any sense of growth. And after a while, it gets a little unsatisfying and, dare I say it, boring.

So my invitation to you, if you meditate, is to do two things at once.

Meet the present moment AND guide your mind in ways that are helpful.

Accept things as they are AND try to make them better.

Yes, this is a little more complicated than just accepting things. But in the long run, it’s way more satisfying and useful.

Want to find out more? Feel free to send me an email or schedule a free conversation about mindfulness coaching.