Mindfulness isn’t magic
If you have ever been stuck with mindfulness it’s easy to feel like a failure. Part of this comes from seeing mindfulness as something special you are trying (and failing) to do.
Another way to approach mindfulness is as a way of learning about how your mind works. And how you can guide your mind to help with stress and well-being. Once you have that clear you can focus on how you do that, step-by-step, making mindfulness work for you.
“I wasn’t expecting it to be this hard” someone said to me recently.
On the surface this was about learning mindfulness. Yet on another level we were talking about how hard it is to come face to face with yourself. Particularly when you are feeling anxious, restless or crappy.
When people describe mindfulness they use words that don’t always make sense. Words like present moment and non-judgemental. Of course you know what the words mean but they point to something that, for most people, is unfamiliar, and just out of reach.
The problem with this is that it makes mindfulness sound like something special. Something to do with sitting still, watching your thoughts and being Zen. And the people talking about it often seem so calm and grounded. It must be special!
Whilst there’s nothing wrong with referring to the present moment and the like, you can approach mindfulness in a down to earth way. As a way of learning about how your mind works by looking at it.
Your minds plays an important part in how you get stressed out and overwhelmed. And so learning about how your mind work allows you to guide your mind in ways that help with stress and well-being.
Now this isn’t easy. But rather than being a personal failing this is a matter of learning.
Falling asleep? There’s a way to work with that.
Feeling restless? There’s a way to navigate that.
Feeling a growing sense of panic? We’ve got you covered.
With our friend who wasn’t expecting things to be this hard we looked at ways they could ground themselves when things are tough.
We also explored taking things step by step; stretching a little when they can and knowing how to take a step back when it’s too much.
And having a clear picture of what they are doing and why they are doing it helped them not feel like a failure and find motivation to have a go.
Mindfulness gets tricky when you try to do or get something special. If you do this you are imagining what might or should be happening which stops you from noticing what is happening right in front of you. This noticing helps you learn about how your minds are working which is where all the benefits you are looking for come from.
As with all learning, if you are clear about what you are doing, why you are doing it and how you can do it, step-by-step you will learn and you will grow.
If this learning approach to mindfulness interests you here is an exercise on learning how your mind works: