Your heart’s desire

Some years ago I was staying at a meditation centre, taking a week out of the flow of everyday commitments to dedicate to meditation practice.

During this week I was setting my own routine which allowed me to listen to what I needed and follow my sense of that.

Perhaps because it was a glorious English summer I found myself less inclined to practice formal meditation and wanting more to take walks in the surrounding countryside and to lie in the lovely gardens around the house.

After a few days of this I started to question what I was doing there; after all I could be walking in the countryside anywhere.

Why was I living in a meditation centre?

And why did I want to practice meditation anyway?

And underneath it all, what did I really want?

I stayed with this last question for the next few days, allowing it to gently move through my heart and mind, both in formal meditation and informally as I walked around.

By taking the pressure off to find an answer to the question, it could work its way through me and slowly, slowly, responses started to emerge.

Having some sense of what we really want is important in meditation (as in life) as it orients us like a compass and guides our energies like a channel guiding water.

If you were to ask me what the purpose of meditation is I might say something rather general like “decrease stress and increase well-being”.

This is fine, it covers a lot of ground, but it lacks the precision and the juiciness of an individual’s needs and wants.

So…what do you want?

If this question interests you, see if you can allow all the usual responses to come and go and gently stay with the question, with a sense of really wanting to find out, and of really not knowing, and of all that being ok.

At times the question may be in the foreground and at other times it may be in the background.

Over time you can see what emerges.