How two little phrases help calm fear
We tend to freeze when we feel fear. But fear is a signal that there may be danger. And what we need at that moment is to be alert and relaxed. So freezing up doesn't do much good. On a recent trip, I learned how two little phrases could shift fear and help me do what's needed to stay safe. Even at 50 miles per hour.
In the summer I spent a week riding around Wales on my motorbike.
From Brecon to Cardigan and up through the Eryi National Park.
It was epic.
Joyful.
And bloody terrifying.
As a new-ish rider, I have yet to master the art of narrow, twisty roads (who knew there were so many in Wales?).
I've always been prone to anxiety and there's nothing like feeling out of your depth in a life-threatening situation to bring on the fear.
Mile after mile. Corner after corner.
To be fair, I got much better at riding and only had a few hairy moments.
And I also got a lot better at dealing with fear.
Here’s how.
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In a way, fear is a useful signal.
"Be careful," it says. "Watch out." Good advice when approaching a sharp corner.
The problem is that after that initial signal, fear gets in the way. It takes up too much of your attention. Attention that's needed for other things. And fear makes you tense, blocking your ability to act with skill and care.
After a few days of riding, as I approached another corner with fear rising in my chest, a thought came to me.
"I hear you."
Like a gentle balm, this phrase, spoken in a kind tone of voice, calmed the fear a little. It was as if the fear had been seen, it's message, "Possible danger ahead", received. And with that, the scared part of me felt a little better. Not enough to fade into the background (yet), but a good start.
Then came the second thought.
"I'm here for you".
With this phrase I offered the frightened part of a larger presence and said, "Yes, I hear you. I appreciate what you're saying... and I've got you. I've got this".
"I'm here for you" is like giving the frightened part of you a wise elder to rely on.
It helps the fear to relax. It's done its job and now it's up to me to do what needs to be done.
And for me, hurtling along at 50 mph, it allowed me to use all my resources to ride the bike as well as I could. Which, ironically, meant that I ended up riding faster and safer.
To be fair, I've been practising mindfulness for over 20 years, so I was able to pick this up on the fly and make it work in no time.
If you're new to this, it might take a bit of practice, but hopefully this will show you how mindfulness and kindness can help you feel calmer and find confidence in the face of fear.
Want to find out more?
Feel free to send me an email or schedule a free conversation about mindfulness coaching.